Two Under Two: Getting Through the Newborn Weeks With a Toddler at Home

How do you manage two under two in the newborn weeks? Keep your toddler's day on its usual anchors (breakfast, the day nap and bedtime) and let the newborn feed on demand around them. Split the jobs so one adult has the toddler while the other feeds, set up a safe spot for your toddler beside you at feeds, and ask for practical help early.

The two timetables pull in different directions. In the first week, it's common for a newborn to breastfeed 8 to 14 times or more in 24 hours, every 2 to 3 hours including at night, says the Australian Breastfeeding Association(opens in a new window) (ABA). Our newborn feeding schedule shows how that pattern runs week by week.

A toddler still needs 11 to 14 hours of sleep a day, including a 1 to 2 hour nap, says Raising Children Network(opens in a new window).

This guide turns Australian advice into a sample day, a job split for two adults, and plans for feeds, safe sleep and your toddler's feelings.

How do you manage two under two in the newborn weeks?

Let the toddler's day set the frame, because a toddler can run to a clock and a newborn can't yet. Raising Children Network says keeping a toddler's routines as consistent as possible helps with the challenging behaviour that often follows a new baby.

Four things carry most of the load:

• Anchor the toddler's day. Keep breakfast, lunch, the day nap and bedtime at their usual times. Feeds fit around those.
• Feed on cue. The ABA says to feed a newborn whenever they show interest. That is how your supply keeps up with your baby's needs.
• Give each adult a child. When two adults are home, one takes the toddler and the other takes the newborn, then swap so your toddler gets time with each of you.
• Lower the bar on everything else. Meals, washing and visitors can wait, or go to someone else.

A sample day for a newborn and a toddler

A workable two-under-two day keeps three toddler anchors (breakfast, the day nap and bedtime) and fits the newborn's feeds between them. The toddler's wake, nap and bed times follow Raising Children Network's sample sleep schedule. The meal and play times are our suggestions. The newborn column is only a rough guide, because your baby will feed when they're hungry.

What helps at each point in the day:

• 7am: Partner does toddler breakfast before work.
• 9am: Toddler's special feed-time toy box comes out.
• 10.30am: Fresh air for all three of you.
• Midday: Toddler eats at the table beside your feeding chair.
• 1pm: Rest while both are asleep.
• 3pm: Toddler time while the baby is content.
• 5pm: The hardest hour. Book in a second adult.
• 7pm: One adult does toddler bedtime.
• Overnight: Bring the baby to mum for night feeds.

Three things make this day work:

• The toddler's nap is your best daytime chance of both children sleeping at once. Raising Children Network suggests a toddler nap of no more than 2 hours, starting around 1pm. A nap that runs too long or too late pushes bedtime back.
• 5pm is the pinch point. Toddler dinner and bath land in the late afternoon, and the evening is when many newborns fuss and feed often. Our guide to cluster feeding and the witching hour explains the evening pattern. If a partner, grandparent or friend can be there for one hour a day, make it this one.
• Bedtime is the toddler's. Raising Children Network says toddlers are often ready for bed between 6.30pm and 7.30pm. Keeping that routine the same every night, weekends included, helps your toddler settle.

Splitting the jobs between two adults

If you're breastfeeding, the feeds stay with you in the early weeks, and your partner takes the toddler and everything around the feeds. The ABA says frequent breastfeeding in the early weeks builds and protects your supply. It lists looking after older children or pets among the ways a partner can help.

This list is a starting split for a household where the partner is back at work. Swap jobs around to fit your week.

• Newborn feeds (mum): Frequent breastfeeds build supply in the early weeks (ABA).
• Night wakes (partner): The ABA suggests the partner brings the baby to mum for feeds, especially at night.
• Toddler breakfast (partner): The toddler's morning starts with a parent before work.
• Toddler bedtime (partner): It keeps the toddler's routine steady while mum feeds.
• Meals and washing (partner or family): The ABA lists meals, laundry and older children as practical support.
• Bath and settling (either of you): Caring for the baby doesn't have to mean feeding.
• One-on-one time (both, in turns): Take turns with the baby so each of you gets time with the toddler (Raising Children Network).
• Weekend mornings (partner): Partner takes the toddler out so mum can sleep after an early feed.

Raising Children Network has a good use for feed times: if you're not the breastfeeding parent, make them your special time with the toddler. A trip to the park, a board game or a craft activity all work.

If your newborn is formula-fed, or once breastfeeding is well established and you're expressing, your partner can also take a night feed; our night shift plans set out three ways to split the night.

Feeding with a toddler around

Feeding a newborn with a toddler in the room works best with a safe space for the toddler beside you, snacks and water within reach for both of you, and a box of toys saved for feeds.

The ABA suggests the safe space and the snacks. Raising Children Network suggests keeping a special box of toys aside for your toddler to enjoy only during breastfeeds.

Toddlers are curious about breastfeeding. Raising Children Network says they may want to watch, sit close or climb into your lap. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby notes a toddler might jump on you while you're breastfeeding.

Ideas from Raising Children Network and the ABA:

• Cuddle and read. Let your toddler cuddle up beside you for a story, a book or a song while the baby feeds.
• Play something together. Put on your toddler's favourite music or a recorded story and listen together.
• Explain what's happening. Tell your toddler the milk helps the baby grow strong and healthy.
• Expect questions. Your toddler may want a breastfeed, or may "feed" their toys.

It's common for toddlers to ask for a breastfeed, and Raising Children Network says there's no right or wrong answer. If you'd rather not, explain that breastmilk is made for babies and offer a special drink or snack. You or your partner could also offer a distraction, or a taste of breastmilk from a cup.

Tandem feeding a toddler and a newborn

Tandem feeding means breastfeeding siblings who aren't twins, together, one after the other or at different times of day. The ABA says your breasts can adjust after the birth to make enough milk for both. Most toddlers feed far less often than a newborn and get their nutrition from other foods too.

What the ABA says to expect:

• You don't have to feed both at once. You can feed them one after the other, or at different times of day, if feeding both together doesn't suit you.
• Your toddler may ask to feed more when your supply increases a few days after the birth. Some mums are happy with that; others set gentle limits.
• A fast let-down. With milk for two, your newborn may find the let-down a bit fast. You could offer one side to your toddler first to start the flow, then attach the newborn.
• Sides are your call. Some mums swap breasts between the children; others keep one child on each side.
• You may feel hungrier. Eating well from a wide range of healthy foods supports your energy.

A toddler who has already weaned may ask to feed again once they see the baby at the breast. The ABA says this is common. Some toddlers restart happily, and others have forgotten how to latch or don't like the taste.

Australian Breastfeeding Association · Tandem feeding

There's no single 'right' way to tandem feed. What works best depends on you, your baby and your older child.

For tandem-feeding questions, the ABA's Breastfeeding Helpline is on 1800 686 268, 24 hours a day.

Safe sleep with a toddler in the house

Your newborn sleeps in their own safe sleep space in your room, never in a bed beside your toddler. Red Nose recommends a baby's own safe sleep space in the same room as a parent or caregiver for at least the first 6 months.

On bed-sharing, Red Nose says never to place a baby next to other children or pets, because that raises the risk of overheating and suffocation.

Two sleep traps are more likely with two under two:

• Dozing with the baby on the couch. Red Nose says falling asleep holding a baby on a couch or chair is always unsafe. If you might fall asleep, move yourself and the baby to a safe sleep space first.
• The whole family in one bed. Red Nose says never to co-sleep or lie down holding the baby when you're overly tired or unwell. With two under two, that can be a lot of nights.

Keep contact between your toddler and the baby supervised. Raising Children Network suggests letting your toddler gently touch the baby while you're there to supervise. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says children under 2 can't reason well yet, so they're more likely to push or bite in a squabble.

Does your toddler need to move out of the cot?

Your toddler doesn't need to leave the cot just because the baby is coming. Raising Children Network says most children move from a cot to a bed between 2 and 3 years, and there's no hurry. You could borrow or hire a second cot for a young toddler who isn't ready.

If the cot is needed for the baby, Raising Children Network suggests moving your toddler a few months before the birth, or when the baby is a couple of months old. That way your toddler is less likely to blame the new baby for the move.

Keep pillows out of the bed while your toddler is under 2, because they are a suffocation risk.

Helping your toddler adjust

Toddlers often show big feelings about a new baby through behaviour, and one-on-one time, steady routines and praise help most. Raising Children Network says challenging behaviour is common in a new baby's first year. It can be a way of showing confusion, fear of being left out or wanting more attention.

Raising Children Network lists behaviour you might see:

• crying or yelling, and even asking for the baby to be sent back
• behaving like a baby again, such as forgetting toilet training or wanting to be rocked to sleep
• refusing to nap or go to bed, and waking in the night
• being angry around the new baby.

What helps, from Raising Children Network, the ABA and Pregnancy, Birth and Baby:

• Short one-on-one time every day. The ABA says even 15 minutes counts.
• Greet your toddler first when you come home from hospital, suggests the ABA.
• Give small jobs. Your toddler could fetch things for the baby, introduce visitors or help at bath time. If they don't want to help, that's fine.
• Ask their advice. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests asking your toddler what the baby might want to wear.
• Praise gentle moments. Raising Children Network suggests telling your toddler how lucky the baby is to have them as a big brother or sister.
• Tell them what the grown-ups handle, like the baby crying in the night.
• Stay calm. Your calm helps your toddler manage their own reactions.

A toddler who acts like a baby again after a new sibling arrives is often showing a big feeling, like the fear of being left out.

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says to get help if fighting turns aggressive too often. If you feel overwhelmed, it suggests starting with family, friends or your doctor.

What help to ask for

The most useful help with two under two is someone to take the toddler, cook a meal or cover the 5pm hour. The ABA lists meals, laundry and looking after older children or pets among the practical support that gives a new mum time to rest and feed.

Raising Children Network suggests extra time for your toddler with close family or friends, like a trip to the park.

Be specific when people offer:

• "Could you take our toddler to the park on Tuesday morning?"
• "Could you drop off a dinner this week?"
• "Could you be here from 5pm to 6pm for bath and dinner?"
• "Could you hang out a load of washing?"

Look after yourself as well. The ABA says postnatal anxiety and depression can affect mums and partners. Signs include ongoing low mood or anxiety, feeling constantly overwhelmed, and trouble sleeping even when you get the chance.

If those feelings last more than a couple of weeks or get in the way of daily life, talk to your doctor or child health nurse.

Support lines:

• Pregnancy, Birth and Baby: 1800 882 436, to speak with a maternal child health nurse, 7am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week.
• ABA Breastfeeding Helpline: 1800 686 268, 24 hours a day.
• PANDA National Helpline: 1300 726 306, 7 days a week. PANDA is not a crisis service; for immediate support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7).
• Your state's Parentline: Pregnancy, Birth and Baby lists the number(opens in a new window) for each state and territory.

Keeping track of two

With a toddler to chase, it's easy to lose track of when the baby last fed or had a wet nappy, especially when the adult on toddler duty changes through the day. BabyLog is a free shared log where each of you logs from your own phone, and the home screen shows how long ago the last feed and nappy were and who logged them. On the free plan, the one-baby limit counts babies you edit as well as babies you create, and Pro raises it to 5 if you want your toddler's record there too.

If that would help on toddler-duty days, you can start free and invite your partner.

Common questions